Foolish Games.. (14)

Hey you guuuuys;* I'm taking a cue from Change and mentioning Gutter Flower-O who has decided to stop posting until she gets more comments.. WHY AREN'T YOU COMMENTING? I feel responsible ba3ad lana kila minny w my not-so-bright ideas -.- I won't post til you comment 3indaha.. and 3indy! ;p sorry I love her posts!! She's amazing walla, tbacheeni! :( W I never understood the importance of feedback before blogging so yeah, even though my comments are infrequent and I AM sorry walla, kila I read things in a hurry and forget, but I do read! But I digress! So..


http://sunshinedownthegutter.blogspot.com/ COMMENTAW... please (a)



Okay, So I worked on this during my classes today! I surreptitiously dakhalt the earphones mal il IPod under my clothes, hid them carefully and wrote this down on my notebook w now I'm typing it up here! You better like it lana my hand is gonna detach itself from the rest of my arm.. seriously! Lana I wrote like half a page, decided I didn't like it and tore it up.. then I did that twice again before deciding on this one! So enjoy.. or not, kaifkum! Oh yeah, midterms soon, wish me luck :(

__________________________


I will not overreact. I will wait for him to explain. I will not freak out. I will open my mouth and reply. I will.. I will stand there like an idiot and stare at him blankly. He looked at me expectantly, awaiting an answer. I couldn't offer him any. I couldn't find the words to verbalize the million feelings rushing through me at that moment. He gave up and turned his attention to S3oud who was yet to take his hands or eyes off me.

"Mi7lawa 7abeebti," He said as he pulled me closer, "I've missed you."

I involuntarily felt a lump rising in my throat, I forcibly removed his arms from around me and backed away. "You lost the right to say any of that a long, long time ago S3oud."

He reached out and grabbed my hand, "Ghala, wait-"

"S3oud, I've been patient so far, but would you mind taking your hands the fuck off my girlfriend and explain?" 3azeez asked angrily.

His question captured our full attention and effectively stopped S3oud's unnecessary touching.

"Girlfriend?" We asked in unison.

He ignored the question and waited for S3oud to answer his. S3oud still seemed to be shocked at the G-word 3azeez dropped so carelessly.

"Uh.. I asked Fahad if I could stay here while Noor was gone, I thought you were traveling for the week?" He asked, confused.

3azeez looked meaningfully at me before he answered. "I had a change of plans." He clipped.

I finally understood the situation I was in and looked for confirmation, "So he's your sister's.. brother in law?" I asked 3azeez.

"I think we established that," he replied snidely, "what we haven't is how you know him."

Now it was my turn to be all flustered and caught off guard again, this really wasn't the way I hoped this evening would turn out.

"S3oud's my ex." I answered in a small voice that sounded foreign to my own ears.

"Ah, I see.. and I interrupted you cozy, intimate little reunion?" He concluded as he eyed me and S3oud in all his semi-nakedness. "Well by all means, go ahead, don't stop on my account." he said as he leaned against the table and folded his arms.

"I don't know what changed or what I've done to deserve such a low opinion from you but I don't have to stand here and take this shit from you. Call me when you manage to pull your head out of your ass, or you know what, don't."

I finished off my mini-speech and stormed off. I took the stairs 3 at a time, thoughts were beyond me, I only knew that I had to get away from there and away from them. Only I would have the extreme misfortune of running into my ex on a date with another guy. In his house. Seriously, what are the odds? I quickly texted Ritaj the address and asked her to pick me up as soon as possible. She replied saying she'll be there in 10 minutes max, no questions asked.

"Ghala, wait!" S3oud called out again as he shoved his arms into the sleeves of a jumper and buttoned up his jeans.

I turned around to face him, "You know what S3oud, I DID wait. I waited hours on end for you, just stupidly standing there wishing you'd show up already so we could celebrate our anniversary together. But you didn't. You were too busy screwing one of my closest friend's brains out. So forgive me if I seem a little bit reluctant to wait for your explanation. What could you possibly have to say for yourself?"

And just like that, the recollection of past events caused the waterworks to begin. I didn't realize I was crying until I tasted a salty tear on my lips, then I felt it all. I felt the intense heat of the scalding tears running down my face. I felt my heart's poorly stitched wounds open wide and I felt it shattering into a million tiny pieces all over again. I couldn't breathe, I felt the suppressed agony of his betrayal weighing down on my windpipe, cutting off my air supply. I heard my tortured sobs echoing through the empty house and then I heard something else.

I looked disbelievingly through the layer of moisture covering my eyes to see his face etched with remorse on every single millimeter. I stood transfixed as he reached out to wipe my tears. He kissed the top of my head and whispered, "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I am so god damn sorry."

He reached out to hug me and I let him. I let him wrap his arms around me and hold on for dear life while I stood there lifelessly and remembered all the times he held me in the past. I remembered how he refused to let go of me after my grandmother's sudden death and how he cradled me in his arms all night long. I remembered how he lifted me up and spun me around when I got accepted into university and for a second, I closed my eyes and let myself feel how great it was to be held this way, to experience the amazing gifts of being loved and wanted. But then I saw something else, I saw the same arms wrapped around HER instead. I saw his hands running all through her body and I pulled away as if I was electrocuted.

I calmly wiped my tears away. "And I'm sorry that you hurt me so deeply enough to diminish the significance of those words. Goodbye S3oud."