Saturday, September 5, 2009

Foolish Games.. (25)

Greetings! I’m continuing the story 6 months from “the breakup”. This post is basically just to clear things up for you guys! Oh and stop hating me, yeah? Thanks.


__________________________________


*6 months later*

I felt like a fundamental part of me was missing for the longest time, it constantly seemed as if I was reaching for something, only to have it slip through my fingers in the last second. I was never one to dwell on the past, but despite how things ended, my relationship with 3azeez meant too much for me to pretend to be cavalier about it and brush it off as if it were nothing.

Commitment issues. To anyone on the outside, that’s what it must’ve seemed like. I didn’t even know where to begin to clear up those wrongful notions, so I offered noncommittal shrugs and kept to myself. Truth is, I had no problems with commitment, not anymore than the normal person would. Okay, maybe a little more, but what kept me paralyzed with fear was abandonment. I couldn’t very well let him pass up such an amazing opportunity and leave him saddled by my side, wondering what could’ve been. I didn’t have it in me. But it wasn’t completely selfless on my part; I couldn’t let my world revolve around him knowing he might be harboring some resentments towards me that will inevitably tear us apart.

Where would that leave me?

*6 months earlier*

“Wow.” he said and laughed humorlessly. He breathed out and I realized he had been holding his breath since he asked the question. I felt another fresh shot of guilt rushing to my stomach. He loosened his grip on my hand, but didn’t quite let go of it. I stared down at our hands, unable to look at him yet.

“I’m sorry.” I said earnestly, I doubted the words held any significance to him, but it was all I had to offer.

“So am I.” He replied as he stared pensively into the distance.

We both knew it was too late for us, the words had already been put out there, we couldn’t take them back at this point, even if we wanted to. The silence was deafening, I knew I owed him an explanation but didn’t find the correct words to verbalize my reasoning. I knew what he must be thinking and all the misconceptions forming in his head with every silent second that passes, but I just couldn’t bring myself to straighten it out. The damage had been done.

I mustered enough courage to look up and face him. And then our eyes met. And for the merest seconds I felt all my justifications fly out the window. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself in his arms and take it all back. It was all very cliché but I tried to memorize his face in those few seconds, I knew pictures didn’t do him justice. They weren’t able to capture the intensity of his gaze, currently tainted with pain and, despite the predicament we were in, love. It was my undoing.

I felt a tear making its way down my face, wound my fingers around his and squeezed his hand tight. “I’m not ready to let go yet.”

“Come here.” He ordered gruffly, pulled me into his arms and hugged me. I hugged him back and held on tight, as if it would magically make everything right again. “I love you.”

“I know,” I whispered back, “I love you, too.”

“But I won’t chase you.” He said determinedly.

“I know that, too.” I said and I smiled a little to myself. Mission accomplished, right?

I don’t remember who initiated it, but our arms gradually loosened from around each other, until they fell altogether. And in the silence and awkwardness that ensued, we didn’t have any options but to walk back to Khaled’s apartment. We made idle chatter on the way back, no time like the present to start acting like acquaintances. He said he would go back to Kuwait in two days to pack his things and say his good byes so he could relocate as his father had already arranged for an apartment for him, knowing instinctively he’d take the job. And why wouldn’t he? He asked if he could see me when I got back there, I told him it wouldn’t be wise of us and he readily agreed.

He hugged me one last time outside Khaled’s door, “If you ever need anything-” he started.

“I know.” I said, interrupting him. But we both knew I wouldn’t reach out to him for any reasons, it was difficult enough as it is.

“Take care, kiddo.” he said with that crooked grin I came to love.

Strangers. We should live our lives as complete strangers from now on, there’s no reason for me to be affected by his “kiddo”. I smiled back one final time and entered the apartment. Mya had already left, we must’ve been gone for longer than we thought. I found Khaled sitting on the counter and I walked over to him and sat beside him. He pushed a pint of ice cream and a spoon in my direction and I accepted without preamble and dug into it.

I found my voice a couple of spoonfuls later and asked him, “How did you know?”

He reached out, put his arms around me and simply stated, “I know you.”

19 comments:

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

9ba7 el3asal ;*

unless ur in the states, its toooo early for a post!

but hey! the insomniac in me thanks you =)

have a wonderful day! =)

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

lilo!!
shino hatha 3al9ub7!

7aram 3laich you made me cry wana bro7y 9ayma oo 3a6shana!

me no likey ='(

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

lilo!!
shino hatha 3al9ub7!

7aram 3laich you made me cry wana bro7y 9ayma oo 3a6shana!

me no likey ='(

Monwa said...

He reached out, put his arms around me and simply stated, “I know you.”
MAFIHAMT!!!!!! explain hla jumla pweez!!!!

shookran oo ee mithil magalat dandoon laish chithe kadarteena min 9ba7 allah 5air

Lilo♥ said...

Dandoon; Aww good morning :* Nope,right here in k-town, just another insomniac, lissa ma nimt! I sleep even less in Ramadhan, how bizarre? I really think us insomniacs are slowly, but surely taking over the world <3

I'm sorryy :( *hides in shame* I didn't expect you to cry :O I take it back, I'll delete the post, anything :( *sniff* I like you? yes? not good enough? okay *turns away*


Monwa; Again, I apologize! *hides* you guys, I specifically giltlikum "stop hating me" :(

Hmm explanation.. She asked him how he knew they had broken up and he answered cuz he knows her? Ino ya3ni he knew that would be her reaction to the news? I hope that cleared things up! :*

Carpe Diem said...

First, I must begin by reprimanding you about your non-existent hours of sleep!

Then, I thank you for a post! It fills my ample time, wasted not because I don't have anything to do, but rather because I have so much and choose not to do it.
So <3.

Aww,I adore Khaled from the bottom of my non-existent heart! *sigh*

I really feel for Ghala...her predicament is heart-breaking, yes even to those who don't have a heart! But nonetheless, it was her choice =)

Commitment issues - she is not alone.

Eh, I is sad, but I is an understanding sort of sad, but I still love you =)

Anonymous said...

plzzzz post soon :**
love u wayid and love ur story more ;p

Anonymous said...

plzzzz post soon :**
love u wayid and love ur story more ;p

Starlight<3 said...

I forgot how much I enjoyed reading your posts, for some reason I just stopped over the summer and never caught up.

So much has happened over the last few parts. This post was sadder than most, I tried keeping my tears in but the last line just about did it.

I guess Ghala's just too amazing a person to let anyone miss something for her. Khaled's just Khaled, his few words could help make someone's day.

I've always liked people who said little but somehow managed to sum up a whole page in those few words. Unluckily for everyone else, I'm not one of them :p

I've missed you btw and your story more than I thought I would :*

x

Anonymous said...

you read the twilight saga and you love it, dont you ?

Lilo♥ said...

Carpe Diem; No reprimanding! I slept the two hours, as promised! Couldn't go for three though :(

Ah what can I say! I'm ever the enabler, I felt your need to procrastinate and I decided to facilitate that for you. How awesome of me, really.

You can't not adore him, he bears ice-cream! And yup, she made her own bed and whatnot. Sigh.

Yay! I love you, also <3



Anonymous; I will, hopefully! Far too many people bullying me for me not to post soon! lol well my story appreciates it :*



Starlight; Aww nice to see you here again <3 I sorry! I had no idea it would sadden anyone that much :( forgive me, yes?

*chokes* A GHALA fan? :| I don't believe it, yay! Finally lol and I agree, Khaled's a big bowl of awesomeness. I'm on the same boat as you, short and concise meaningful sentences are beyond me. However, I've mastered the "art" of word vomitting!

Aww we missed you too hun :*



Anonymous; lol. I fail to see the significance behind that question. Yes, I've read them but that's beside the point. If you're likening my story to that, I don't remember Edward getting a job as a supervampire or whatever in a different country and Bella breaking up with him so he can go..?

Anonymous said...

im the same anon who asked about the twilight thing.
some of the words you use are the same from the book and the fact that he broke up with her in new moon and went away etc i think this is the same story without the fantasy in it.
from the crooked smiles to the words to the break up stuff ;]
it shows.
and plz dont make khaled end up likin her as jacob ;P
peace.

Lilo♥ said...

I'm very well read and as a result, I've cultivated a very extensive vocabulary. The words I use are ones I've learned throughout the years. I hardly think Stephenie Meyer is God and she invented those words OR the crooked smiles for that matter =)

I still don't see the resemblance between my story and "New Moon" but you're entitled to your own opinion. I've already stated that Ghala and Khaled have no romantic interest in each other and they never will, so rest assured!

Carpe Diem said...

Anony: Lilo doesnt write about gay vampires that think they fell in love. She writes about sex bombs that eat big mac's and curly fries and ben & jerry's and are THE love! Hmph. And Lilo is too nice to say, but steph gave her a call to help her out before she published her series. Maybe this clears up your confusion?

Lilo, thanks for facilitating! So proud of you for sleeping :)
keeep 'em coming, for my sake okay?

Deema said...

Your story is amazing! im sure you get that a lot, but seriously, you know how to write, mashAllah :)

everything seems genuine in the story, and that's probably one of the main reasons i kept on reading this until the early hours of the day :P
and it's not as complicated as a few stories i've previously read, which are over flowed with pointless characters.

anywhos! i wont bother you with my pointless babbling!
but i really do i hope i get to read the next chapter soon :)

xx

MOTH said...

OMG!! min galb... btw you have been the only reason i ever joined blogger, and the only reason i keep coming back from time to time and i TRYY so hard to stay bs my frazzled mind never remembers my to-do list so (A) :p plus i'm anti-technology, as in technology hates me and im cursed :P
so i caught up today on all the entries since the introduction of Mya to the story,, i choose you pikachu ;) :p
and let me tell u, in the 15 minutes or so of reading i laughed out loud 100 times, awwed a million, actually everything to do with 3aziz just melted my heart and ended up gobsmacked and heartbroken in ur last one... so **applause** u are one of the most amazing writers whose words i have had the inane pleasure of reading ... **cues bow** :P or curtsy whichever u choose, also depends on ur balancing skills... ur a genius **encore**
i wont tell u to write soon cos i'd be a hypocrite considering i post like once a month ,,, so i'll leave it to wishing as hard as possible **crosses fingers and hopes ull take pity on me and write a new post**
so ya kanee 6awalt? :P and kanee ri7t overboard ma3a the compliments? bs i wouldnt say them if they wernt tru (A) honest.

Lilo♥ said...

Carpe Diem; LOL I love you <3

Deema; Aww thank youu! Really? I always thought it was lacking enough characters lol so glad you think so. I like your pointless babbling, it's making me feel all special and what not *blush* Sorry it took so long, but it's up now! x

MOTH; Well, well, well! Look who finally decided to show up again <3 Are you serious? I'm beyond flattered, that's so sweet! LOL no worries, technology hates me too, it just takes pity on me sometimes, thankfully ;p I like curtseying :( I have horrible balancing skills but I insist on doing it! Stubborness is not a good color on me, I'm afraid *sigh* That is how I end up with so many accidents. *blush* seriously, you guys are killing me. I feel like I should be giving some sort of acceptance speech! :x Honestly, I started the post then after I forgot to save it and it disappeared, I was so pissed off so I boycotted posting *rolls eyes* your comment was the catalyst to get me off my ass and force myself into writing again, so thank you! :D lol! Awww can I adopt youu? <3

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